A N D R E W   O F   A M E R I C A 
IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE
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(C) Copyright 1996 ANDREW OF AMERICA, All Rights Reserved

AIDS wil no longer threaten humanity because new government engineered
diseases will have taken it's place 

MANKIND will travel at the speed of light but will still be unable to
travel at the speed of dark 

E-MAIL will be rendered obsolete by the ability of people to send
vaccuous messages through mental telepathy 

SPAM WILL NO LONGER BE A LUNCHEON MEAT But will have attained the right
to vote 

THERE will be over 5,000 TELEVISION channels and still nothing to watch 

PIZZA will no longer be eaten but hunky deliverymen will still visit
your house 

YOU CAN CHANGE YOU HAIRCOLOR by swallowing a pill but ANDREW OF AMERICA
will claim he "just takes vitamins" 

MONEY AS WE KNOW IT will no longer exist Unfortunately, taxes will 

THE AVERAGE FAMILY OF FOUR will not be able to afford a new car But they
can afford "That new car smell" 

WE WILL DISCOVER THE REAL KILLERS OF RON AND NICHOLE His name will be
that of a popular breakfast beverage 

RACISM WILL HAVE VANISHED from American soil as Americans find new and
pettier reasons to hate and kill 

THE SPOTTED OWL WILL no longer be endangered by deforrestation as there
will be no more trees 

CLONING will become available to the very wealthy which means Dick Clark
can host Bandstand forever 

LASERS will perform simple household chores such as cutting the cheese 

FAT FREE foods will be replaced by FREE FAT products such as high
calorie celery to offset global food shortages 

NUCLEAR REACTORS will no longer use toxic Uranium and Plutonium as it
has all been converted to weapons by Iraq 

ABORTION WILL NO LONGER be performed in the U.S. as all citizens will be
sterilized by Japanese High Definition TV 

GENERATION X will no longer be slackers as they will have created
sophisticated robots to slack for them 

THE INVENTION OF ANTI-GRAVITY will releave the stress of being Rosanne
Barr 

TIME TRAVEL will enable people to transport themselves back in time and
still be late for work 

POSTAGE STAMPS will be apricot flavored to offset elimination of
foodstamps by Republicans

The Previous Predictions Provided by...
ANDREW OF AMERICA
...The Psychic French Network (Home of "The World's Rudest Clairevoyants")