ANDREW OF AMERICA's Helpful Hints On Avoiding Gaybashings

WEAR AQUA VELVA--Fools `em every time.  No self respecting sissy has splashed
this insect repellent on since Floyd the Barber.

HAND GRENADES in Your Purse  Yes, Virginia there's room in there with your
compact mirror and poppers!

MACE--It's not just for the spice rack anymore, Mary!

SPIKE YOU HAIR with liquid metal.  Hair dos and hair duz!

SKINHEADS are not marines!  Learn the difference before you rub their
head.

STAINLESS STEEL DILDO--Makes lovely billy club.

BILLY CLUB--Makes lovely dildo.

WEAR SWEATERS made of rusty syringes.  Street toughs will think twice before
punching your paunch.

GO TO A GYM--Don't leave till you are strong enough to beat everybody up.
That's up Mary not off.

JOIN EXODUS INTERNATIONAL and go through 15 years of gutwrenching conversion
perversion aversion therapy until there's no longer any reason for bigots
to beat you.

REFRAIN FROM MAE WEST QUOTES such as "Is that a pistol in your pocket or 
are you just happy to see me?"

CARRY A SMOKESCREEN  No Lulu, clove cigarettes won't do the trick.

REMEMBER:  Batman is only make believe.

HANG OUT with really big dykes instead of heanging out your really big d-ck.

POOL CUE RAPIER  It's a stick! It's a sword it's SapphoZoro!

IF RUNNING AWAY from thugs, remove high heels.

NEVER SAY "Nanner Nanner Boo Boo!  Betcha can't catch me!"  Unless you're
in Sly Stallone's Lamborghini

STEEL-TOED Doc Martin's.  Hey, even the Pope wears `em.

ALWAYS CARRY A SOFTBALL--They'll bring the bats.

ANDREW OF AMERICA
(C) 1996 The Author, All Rights Reserved