ANDREW OF AMERICA's Cat Won't Buckle Up
(C) 1997 The Author, All Rights Reserved
 
ANDREW OF AMERICA here,
So, I was driving with my kitty through Louisiana and I said, "Hey, kitty,
buckle up."
 
"No way man!" she sassed,  "I'm tired of the man tellin' me what to do
in a state where Covenant Marriage is the law!"
 
Kitty was at the wheel.  She was scabbin' the union driving a
UPS truck and she was behind schedule.
 
Immediately, I could tell from the gleam in her eye she was
on demon catnip!  She started taking it as an antidepressant when
she learned that the Spice Girls were really men.
 
"Kitty, slow down," I begged, "this vehicle isn't equipt with airbags or
other passive restraint devices!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Gerbilboy!" Kitty hissed.

"Hey!  That was a long time ago when I was working as a meteorolgist
in Jacksonville, Florida!  I was a big Richard Gere fan then!"

Then Kitty snapped:  "Why should I follow a government that denies cats
basic 4th Ammendment rights to bear arms as part of a well-maintained and
organized militia."

Kitty! put down the gun....
 
CHARLETON HESTON:  This is Charleton Heston reminding you Kitties should
not be allowed to smoke and drive a UPS truck without a seat belt because
unions are bad.  Except the one I'm in.  However kitties have the right to
own guns.  Except homosexuals. And God didn't mean for us to use
mind-altering plants. Except tobacco.  Stay off drugs.  I think I'll have a
Bud.
 
America's Favorite Antidepressant
ANDREW OF AMERICA
Available by subscription only
Charleton Heston was not harmed in the making of this parody.