ANDREW OF AMERICA
(not to be confused with Tommy Hilfiger)
Returns to Gaynet.

For Immediate Release (Once He can get out of his straightjacket.)

AOA nationally published gay humorist and onetime denizen of
gaynet, returns to cyberspace after breakup with longtime companion and
Johnny Depp lookalike [name deleted by lawyers].

Renowned for his sassy social commentary and inimitable Top Ten
Lists (Dave who?) which have peppered the pages of second rate
pulplications everywhere. Kicking at his side is sidekicking sidekick
ROOMIE OF AMERICA: "What are we doing tonite, ANDREW?"  "Same thing do
everynite, ROOMIE try to take over the bars!"

PLUS: Special 3-D Glasses, secret decoder ring and toy surprize at the
bottom of ANDREW's box.

ROOMIE sez:  If you'd bathe occasionally, you wouldn't have that problem. 
What's tonight's Top Ten List

T O N I T E ' S   T O P   T E N   L I S T

TOP 10 Lesbian Summer Recipes
(C) 1997 ANDREW AND ROOMIE OF AMERICA (No Sex)

10.  Pork Lips and Beef Tongue
  
  9. Clam Loaf

  8  Whisker Biscuits

  7  Jello Brand Panty Pudding

  6  Colonel Lingus Tastes Like Chicken 
     (It's Finger Lickin' Good!)

  5  Vagina Fritata

  4  Mother Earth Goddess Cruelty Free Catnip Pesto
     (See, political correct just isn't funny) 

  3  Boiled water

  2  Beer  (cans only)

  1  Meatloaf, allways meatloaf.  Made with real
     Lipton's Onion Soup Mix.
 
ROOMIE sez: Gosh, ANDREW, That was really tastless.

ANDREW: Thank Goddess, I'd hate to taste some
of those recipes!

ROOMIE: Lez do it again!  I hope that none of the lezbians
get mad and won't talk to us.  I'm due for an oil change
next week!

ANDREW: Why roomie, that was really insensitive
and sterotypical of you!  And after all that time you spend with the
sapphic sisters down at the pool hall swiggin' brewskis!  You should
know better!

ROOMIE:  Well let's see if we can make things up to them.

TOP TEN REASONS LESBIANS ARE BETTER THAN GAY MEN

10.   Always have a vibrator when you need one.
  
  9.  Don't whine.

  8.  Don't waste all that time worrying about their hair.  Apparently.

  7.  Knows the difference between a Phillip's head screwdriver
      and vodka and grapefruit.

  6.  Gay men suck.  And blow.

  5.  Not encumbered in horsebackriding by those pesky penises.

  4.  Can accessorize flannel.

  3.  Secondary income? Pool hustler!

  2.  Can lock and load in under ten seconds.

  1.  Ellen came out.  ANDREW and ROOMIE won't stay in.  (Sigh).

AOA & ROA Return to Gaynet
As soon as they approve our subscription
(Censorship hurts everyone).